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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?
protege
  • Joined: 5 Jan 2006 6:32
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the sad truth is, some people enjoy hitting their kids, and use their kids as scapegoats. My father was like that. if he had a bad day at work, i got smacked around. If he lost his job, it didnt matter it was his fault, i got beat up. it got to the point where i was getting beat up maybe twice a day (from the time i was ten to probably age seventeen), big time beat up, like thrown down stairs, locked out in the snow with no shows on, punched, spit on, kicked, hit with wire hangers etc. at one point he held a butchers knife to my throat and told me that it would be worth the time he would spend in jail to kill me...to this day, he doesnt think he did anything wrong, he thought that all he was doing was punishing me then way i deserved to be punished. I resent him now, and in my teen years i was rebellious and angry because of him. I dont think i will ever stop being angry and resentful towards him, i dont think i will ever be able to love him like a daughter should love her father, because he didnt want to take the time to disciplin me correctly.

my thoughts are, no kid should be hit, no matter how obnoxious. Parents need to understand that raising children is a full time job and just because you are tired or annoyed or whatever the case is, hitting your kid is teaching them through negative reinforcement. Panrents need to take the time to dicsciplin their children correctly. Yes, hitting a kid teaches them the lesson faster, but that doesnt mean it teaches them the lesson better. Corpral punishment is in no way, shape or form healthy for a developing child, there are alternatives to hitting a kid, and it is the persons job, as a parent to find the alternative that works the best for their child.

look it boils down to this; if you want your kid's love, respect and admration, do what is right for them and take the extra time to punish them right. dont hit, nothing good can come from it. You will end up with healthier kids, and healthier kids grow into healthier adults.

Posted on: 10 Jan 2006 4:20

Edited by name on 10 Jan 2006 4:27:45
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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?

  • Joined: 12 Aug 2005 22:28
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Actually, I got slapped quite a few times as a kid. Not abusive or anything like that, but a good, heathly pop across the cheek. I didn't exactly like the experience, but sometimes a kid won't shut up. I mean don't slap them for everything, but sometimes...it's appropriate.

Anyway, I grew up great. Like, if I got punished from TV, I read, if I got punished from books, I played Nintendo, when I'd get punished from all of those, I'd play outside, and when that didn't work, I'd sing. Finally, my mother got sick me doing what I was repeating and slapped me hard across the face. Sorry, if I hadn't been slapped those few times, I would have never learned anything.

I think it depends on the kid, and I think its horrible if parents do it to take out their frustrations. Kids aren't scapegoats, and I never was.

As I said, it just all depends.

Posted on: 10 Jan 2006 5:34
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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?
lowly babblet rat
  • Joined: 30 Dec 2005 3:04
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Quote:

CreamPuff wrote:
Forscenic Scientist, sometimes you do have to slap a toddler across the face, or pop a dog across the nose. That's not abusive. It's just discipline.


I see your point, but my father held a knife to my throat many times during my childhood, he threw me down two flights of stairs, he hit me with a frying pan, and threw me into a brick fireplace...this has gone on for as long as I can remember.

Quote:

if you want your kid's love, respect and admration, do what is right for them and take the extra time to punish them right. dont hit, nothing good can come from it. You will end up with healthier kids, and healthier kids grow into healthier adults.


This is my opinion. You do not, by any means, have to agree with me, but I am grateful to those who do.

Posted on: 10 Jan 2006 20:16
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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?
protege
  • Joined: 21 Mar 2005 11:42
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Quote:

CreamPuff wrote:
Forscenic Scientist, sometimes you do have to slap a toddler across the face, or pop a dog across the nose. That's not abusive. It's just discipline.



I'm sorry, but slapping a toddler across the face IS abusive. Very young children do not know the difference between right and wrong, they need to be taught the difference, and they don't learn that through violence. Hitting a toddler doesn't teach them what they did was wrong, it teaches them how to hit. They learn through imitation.

But further than that, I don't think there is EVER a time when it is ok to slap anyone on the face! That is disgusting. Children are treasures and they deserve to be treated that way. They only know as much as you teach them, and if your kids are brats maybe you are the one who should be slapped for raising them badly. I think child abuse should be punished more severely and children's aid should investigate EVERY child that is ever hit... might make these parents think twice.... starts with a simple slap, but things get worse....

Posted on: 10 Jan 2006 20:55
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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?

  • Joined: 12 Aug 2005 22:28
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I wasn't talking about toddlers. I was talking about seven/eight year old kids who know better.

I would always talk back. They tried everything else, and then finally, just popped me across the face. I didn't exactly like it, but it shut me up.

Look, there's a difference between popping a kid across the cheek lightly and abusing them. When I reread my post, I realized I didn't quite define that, and I'm sorry.

Posted on: 10 Jan 2006 21:06
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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?
protege
  • Joined: 21 Mar 2005 11:42
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Quote:

CreamPuff wrote:
I wasn't talking about toddlers. I was talking about seven/eight year old kids who know better.

I would always talk back. They tried everything else, and then finally, just popped me across the face. I didn't exactly like it, but it shut me up.

Look, there's a difference between popping a kid across the cheek lightly and abusing them. When I reread my post, I realized I didn't quite define that, and I'm sorry.


Hmmm you said "Sometimes you have to slap a toddler across the face" but you weren't talking about toddlers.... can you see where I might have been confused?!?!

Also, it's still not ok to hit a kid who is seven or eight or any age. If a kid won't listen find another way. Ground them, take away priviledges, or even talk to them to find out what the underlying problem is that is causing the behaviour, cuz kids don't just act out for no reason... violence leads to resentment...

Posted on: 10 Jan 2006 21:11
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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?

  • Joined: 12 Aug 2005 22:28
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Oh God, I did say toddler.

I'm sorry. I seem to be apologizing a lot today.

I didn't mean 'toddler'. I think I need to take a break from posting for a while. Why I implied a three-year-old kid, I don't know. I'm not thinking everything completely through today. I'm just not going to post for a while, my brain's in overload.

Just...email me if anyone wants to talk or something.

Posted on: 10 Jan 2006 21:18
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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?
lowly babblet rat
  • Joined: 30 Dec 2005 3:04
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Quote:

Mystified wrote:
Quote:

CreamPuff wrote:
I wasn't talking about toddlers. I was talking about seven/eight year old kids who know better.

I would always talk back. They tried everything else, and then finally, just popped me across the face. I didn't exactly like it, but it shut me up.

Look, there's a difference between popping a kid across the cheek lightly and abusing them. When I reread my post, I realized I didn't quite define that, and I'm sorry.


Hmmm you said "Sometimes you have to slap a toddler across the face" but you weren't talking about toddlers.... can you see where I might have been confused?!?!

Also, it's still not ok to hit a kid who is seven or eight or any age. If a kid won't listen find another way. Ground them, take away priviledges, or even talk to them to find out what the underlying problem is that is causing the behaviour, cuz kids don't just act out for no reason... violence leads to resentment...


You spoke my thoughts exactly. I am glad that I am not the only one who feels this way either. There is a difference between lightly slapping a child and abuse, but when my father abused my brother and me, it all started with a small slap. I realize that in America things are different,but I did not realize that it was all right to hit your children. Maybe it is an American thing....

Posted on: 10 Jan 2006 21:21
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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?

  • Joined: 19 Mar 2005 17:40
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Quote:

You spoke my thoughts exactly. I am glad that I am not the only one who feels this way either. There is a difference between lightly slapping a child and abuse, but when my father abused my brother and me, it all started with a small slap. I realize that in America things are different,but I did not realize that it was all right to hit your children. Maybe it is an American thing....


Oh my lord, please, PLEASE, do not think it's an American thing. You will make me want to emigrate. I would hope that most Americans think it's wrong to hit children. CreamPuff, there are a myriad of ways for a parent to get his/her child to "shut up" without slapping him/her across the face. Hitting is a poor excuse for not knowing what to do with your kid, in my opinion. I'm glad you're none the worse for it, but many kids will grow up to have emotional or other problems becuase of abuse (or even if it's not abuse and just 'physical discipline')in their family.

Posted on: 10 Jan 2006 21:32
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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?

  • Joined: 15 Mar 2005 21:25
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Quote:

theangelsmistress wrote:

Oh my lord, please, PLEASE, do not think it's an American thing. You will make me want to emigrate. I would hope that most Americans think it's wrong to hit children. CreamPuff, there are a myriad of ways for a parent to get his/her child to "shut up" without slapping him/her across the face. Hitting is a poor excuse for not knowing what to do with your kid, in my opinion. I'm glad you're none the worse for it, but many kids will grow up to have emotional or other problems becuase of abuse (or even if it's not abuse and just 'physical discipline')in their family.



I dunno. Americans seem to think a lot of things are okay that I think are absolutely wrong, like tax cuts for the obscenely wealthy and spying on its citizens. I already do want to emigrate, but I digress.

I think that to hit kids at any age, for any reason, is wrong. It accomplishes nothing except, as many people have already said, to incite resentment. My grandmother used to come after my mother with a metal ruler when she was younger, and the implications and memories of such treatment hurt her as much as the abuse itself. Some people may claim that physical abuse is somehow less painful than emotional, but that's not true; in fact, physical abuse is exactly the same as emotional --but with the added misery that its scars go beyond the metaphysical.

As has been mentioned, there are much more humane (not to mention more effective) ways of reinforcing the rules. Even for kids who "know better", there is no excuse for physical violence because you can find other methods of discipline.

My parents never raised a hand to me once. Saying a child's full name in that voice (those of you who've ever experienced the Middle Name can sympathize) can be just as effective as, and problamy more effective than a swat on the behind. I can remember times when I was a kid and I'd done something I shouldn't have and all my mom had to say was my first name, middle name and last name in a certain tone of voice, and I would instantly realize that I had made a mistake. Then I'd probably get a lecture on why I shouldn't be throwing balls in the house and breaking expensive vases, and I'd be sent to my room for awhile. I think to explain to a child why something is wrong keeps them from repeating the mistake in the future; just smacking them and not explaining why doesn't change anything, and so is less effective. The kid is liable to make the same mistake again.

Posted on: 10 Jan 2006 23:02
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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?

  • Joined: 8 Oct 2005 18:26
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I heard somewhere that a child knows the difference between right and wrong by around seven years old... it should be earlier, but that's the average. Until then, you should be focusing on making the child understand what is right and what is wrong! If it continues after this age, you may have a bit of a brat on your hands... show them you can be just as stubborn. Take away something they use a lot, like a TV or computer. And don't give it back just because they've lapsed into a screaming fit. At this point a spanking or something may be justified... I've never been comfortable with the thought of hitting a child in the face, your butt's naturally shock resistant but still sensitive, so it's the logical choice.

My dad was the type to spank kids. Okay, maybe he overreacted when he said I could only have one Oreo, saw me with two in my hands, and spanked me until I screamed that the other was for my sister. He's hotheaded, but he apologized. Doesn't make it go away, but he lets me get away with a lot of teasing nowadays.

But he was raised in similar, if not worse, conditions. He likes to tell the yarns about his childhood, how, if he'd rolled his eyes at his parents, he'd end up on the other side of the room. Judging from some of the stories he told (and which my grandmother verified), I believe him.

So, even though I bought him that wooden paddle labeled "Attitude Adjuster", doesn't mean that we support that stuff. Though I must say that the way you are raised greatly affects your opinion on this matter. Those who were either abused or not hit at all are against it, while those who received a slap every once in a while don't say it's absolutely horrible.

I say, if they're really asking for it (and I'm not talking about two Oreos) then show them what's what. Just don't go all "Mother Dearest" on them.

Insanely yours,
musicmaker89

Posted on: 10 Jan 2006 23:10
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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?

  • Joined: 6 Feb 2005 1:52
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well i was probably only slapped once or twice as a child my father na dmother didnt even lay a hand on me as a child, and ive grown up to be a normal healthy teenager, and i thank my parets for never doing anyhting like that to me because im the type of person who forgives but doesnt forget unfortunately. im starting to ramble, so ill just say what i said before or sorta said, maybe its not so bad to get a light slpa now and then as a punishment but never anything abusive for sumthing that they didnt even do especially a young child who doesnt no better

Posted on: 11 Jan 2006 2:57
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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?
lowly babblet rat
  • Joined: 30 Dec 2005 3:04
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Quote:

the_safety_pin wrote:
I dunno. Americans seem to think a lot of things are okay that I think are absolutely wrong, like tax cuts for the obscenely wealthy and spying on its citizens. I already do want to emigrate, but I digress.



I am not trying to insult anyone, but I do not like America, and, if given the opportunity, I would go back to Israel. Unfortunately, given my history with my father, I cannot go back. Americans (and my father) believe that it is all right to hit their children. Not all do, but some of them do. I do not beleieve in spying on citizens either. I will admit, those of us who joined Mossad are trained in coercion, but I do not (unless absolutely necessary) use my coercion techniques on anyone.

Well, you have your opinion, and I have mine. No one said we have to agree on everything.

Posted on: 11 Jan 2006 20:44
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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?

  • Joined: 5 Mar 2005 21:54
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Quote:

Forensic_Scientist wrote:
Quote:



Americans (and my father) believe that it is all right to hit their children. Not all do, but some of them do.
quote]

Ok, btu you know in Israel parent hit their children too. I mean all over the worlds kids get it. But why single out America? I mean it happens everywhere!?

Posted on: 12 Jan 2006 0:12
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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?

  • Joined: 19 Mar 2005 17:40
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Quote:

futureoperastar wrote:
Quote:

Forensic_Scientist wrote:
Quote:



Americans (and my father) believe that it is all right to hit their children. Not all do, but some of them do.
quote]

Ok, btu you know in Israel parent hit their children too. I mean all over the worlds kids get it. But why single out America? I mean it happens everywhere!?


Futureoperastar, you spoke my thoughts exactly. There is violence and abuse everywhere in the world, definitely not just in America. And just a general note - please everyone try to stay on-topic about discipline...the whole thing with spying on citizens is a whole different debate (because not all Americans agree on that either). Forensic_Scientist, I'm sorry that America has been a dissapointment to you, but I really think that the majority of the population does not discipline their children with violence. I could easily be wrong, however.

Posted on: 12 Jan 2006 0:23
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Re: Should children be disaplined with violence?

  • Joined: 5 Mar 2005 21:54
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See my point FS? Violent disapline, is everwhere. It might be more open and less private in some parts of teh worls. But there is not ONE country who does NOT have it.

Posted on: 12 Jan 2006 0:34
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